Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize