SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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