he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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