I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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