I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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