she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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