Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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