I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
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We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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