life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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