oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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