Non-Jews are for practice
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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