i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize