Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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