Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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