Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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