You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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