I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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