I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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