And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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