some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize