you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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