Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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