Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize