I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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