Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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