my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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