found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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