Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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