my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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