i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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