Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize