2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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