I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize