first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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