Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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