i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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