Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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