I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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