Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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