i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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