I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize