So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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