DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn off my feet"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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