Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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