Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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