Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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