I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
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Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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