Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize