The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize