why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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